Verge of Death
by TheMortalTwilight
Summary: *OLD STORY, TAKEN OVER BY NEW AUTHOR* Jace is vulnerable. He is battling demons but not the usual ones! These are the ones that are willing to tear open his heart and murder his soul. Battling illnesses no one knows anything about, will Jace survive, or will he be lost forever? Murdered by the one he thought he always knew – himself. Rated M for self-harm and Anorexia/Bulimia.
1. It Was a Lie

**Story Name: Verge of Death**

 **Protection:** © Copyright 2016 TheMortalTwilight™. All rights reserved.

 **Summary:** Jace is vulnerable. He is battling demons – not real ones, but emotional ones. Ones that are willing to tear open his heart and murder his soul. Battling illnesses no one knows anything about, will Jace survive, or will he be lost forever? Murdered by the one he thought he always knew – himself. Rated M for self-harm and Anorexia/Bulimia.

 **Families:**

Maryse & Robert Lightwood –- Alec, Jace, Isabelle, Max and Noah.

Jocelyn Fairchild and Luke Garroway – Jonathon, Clary and Ava.

 *** Reminder *** \- Noah is an added child to the lightwoods, and is the real brother of Isabelle, Alec and Max, and the adoptive brother of Jace. Ava is the half sister of Clary and Jonathon.

 **This story has been taken over (with permission) after original author is unable to finish it and access fanfiction.**

 **original can be found at EmmettMonkeyMan**

* * *

Jace stared at his reflection in the mirror. He hadn't always looked this way. He stared at his bottle white skin in the mirror, the bones all over his body visible. They were poking out from under his skin tinted with blue and he was near to looking like a skeleton. He didn't have much fat left on him. He still felt his stomach had more fat to lose although his ribcage was pushed so far out of his chest that it looked like the skin had trouble keeping it inside.

He smiled softly, not a happy smile, but a satisfactory smile. A few more months, he thought, and his body would be just the way he wanted.

He dressed in 2 t-shirts and added a hoodie over the top – he didn't need the people around him noticing he was losing weight. At least not yet. The hoodie he fit so perfectly in months before was now cascading down to his knees, the sleeves falling over his hands. He bit his lip, extremely happy that he was making progress.

"Jace?" His brother Alec yelled from behind the door to Jace's room.

"Coming!" Jace yelled back, pulling on his pants and shoes. He opened his door to see Alec standing there, their baby brother Noah cuddled against his chest. "We're going to be late for school."

Jace shrugged apologetically. "Sorry, bro. I'm ready."

Alec frowned, looking over his little brother's clothing with one raised eyebrow. "You're wearing that to school? It's huge on you!"

Jace smiled inwardly. Progress. "Yes." Without explaining any further, he side-stepped around Alec and began walking down the hall to the kitchen.

"Honestly?" Jace heard Alec mutter to himself as he followed behind him. "What can you do?"

Just as Jace was about to run out of the door to the institute, his adopted mother Maryse stuck out her hand to stop him. "No, no." She chided. "No leaving until you've had something to eat. Isabelle and Alec were up early and had time to eat their breakfast. You on the other hand," She shook her head. "We need to get this scheduled."

Jace swallowed nervously. He didn't not only have time to eat, but he couldn't shove any type of breakfast down his throat just to please them. "I have to meet Clary." He protested weakly. "She'll be mad if I'm late."

"She'll be mad if I tell her you skipped breakfast." Maryse responded, pulling Jace over to the kitchen counter. She handed him two pancakes on a napkin drenched in syrup. "Go, eat whilst you walk."

Jace smiled greatly, giving his baby brother a kiss on the cheek before leaving with his other brother and his sister. This meant he could somehow dump the pancakes more easily than if he were in the kitchen.

Alec and Isabelle walked in front of Jace down the sidewalk, leaving him behind to muse with his feelings. With their backs to him, he quietly removed the pancakes from his pocket and dumped them in the trash can that they had just passed.

They met Clary around the block. Her red hair was pulled around her shoulder in attempt to shield it from the rain and she was wearing a beautiful outfit that blew Jace away. A flower patterned skirt down to her knees, plain black leggings and a black top with a few flowers.

He managed a weak smile for her, trying his hardest not to flinch when she wrapped her arms around his waist. He was always afraid that she would feel his bones. Perhaps today she wouldn't notice.

Jace knew he had a problem; he just didn't want to attempt it. Part of him screamed that he was right; the other part screamed he was wrong. Sometimes, he didn't know what he was doing. He just knew the old Jace wouldn't have done this.

Clary stared up at him, her eyes filled with concern, and for a moment Jace couldn't breathe due to the panic wrapping around his heart. Did she notice? No, she couldn't have. "Good morning, Jace." She murmured, reaching up to trace her finger along his jaw. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yes." He murmured stiffly, reaching down to take her hand. He pulled her along the sidewalk, hoping Isabelle would make some kind of conversation – a distraction from him.

Clary frowned. "You have bruises under your eyes, Jace…"

He nodded. "I had homework, so I'm a little tired. But I did sleep, Clary." It was a lie. Jace had been up all night battling nightmares.

Sensing she wasn't going to get anywhere with the conversation, Clary let it drop and walked in silence with Jace the rest of the way until they arrived at school.

Jace didn't know how to respond to anything. He wasn't sure if he was being too suspicious or not. All he knew is that there was no way for him to control what he was doing. Not anymore. Jace had once had control, constantly fighting back and whatever told him not to eat, but now, he listened to that voice in his head. Of course he didn't want to get fat. Jace had to be perfect, especially if he wanted Clary to stay.

But all he seemed to be doing lately was push her even further away.

It took 15 minutes for them to get to the high school. Jace still hadn't let go of Clary's hand but he felt her glancing over at him a few times to check if he was still there. He did tend to glaze off and forget about the world.

"Jace," Clary whispered, waving a hand in front of his face to snap him back to reality once more. "We're here." She smiled encouragingly, feeling his hand tighten around hers. She pulled him close and ran her fingers down his spine. "Hey, it's alright. I know it's your first day but school's...alright. You'll be just fine. Some kids can be challenging but hey, we're all here with you, huh?"

Jace nodded softly, gazing around at the school grounds. There were a lot of people around him and he felt slightly vulnerable.

Jace's quite-far-from-normal upbringing meant he hadn't been to any mundane, public school before. He once went to a school in Idris for a few weeks – some kind of experience - and was home-schooled for a few years at the institute.

This was a totally new and scary experience for Jace.


	2. I Know You, Jace

**Story Name: Verge of Death**

 **Protection:** © Copyright 2016 TheMortalTwilight™. All rights reserved.

 **Summary:** Jace is vulnerable. He is battling demons – not real ones, but emotional ones. Ones that are willing to tear open his heart and murder his soul. Battling illnesses no one knows anything about, will Jace survive, or will he be lost forever? Murdered by the one he thought he always knew – himself. Rated M for self-harm and Anorexia/Bulimia.

 **Families:**

Maryse & Robert Lightwood –- Alec, Jace, Isabelle, Max and Noah.

Jocelyn Fairchild and Luke Garroway – Jonathon, Clary and Ava.

 *** Reminder *** \- Noah is an added child to the lightwoods, and is the real brother of Isabelle, Alec and Max, and the adoptive brother of Jace. Ava is the half sister of Clary and Jonathon.

 **This story has been taken over (with permission) after original author is unable to finish it and access fanfiction.**

* * *

First period passed slowly for Jace even though it was a "free period" where he had no lesson.

His second lesson was English. Then after that he had 2 lab lessons through third and fourth period. US and World history was fifth period, and the last two lessons were Theatre/Drama and Math.

Jace wandered to English quietly, thankful that Alec was in his class so that he wasn't so alone.

"How was first period?" Alec asked as they rounded the corner.

Jace shrugged. "Boring. I did nothing. I didn't have a lesson. I didn't have anyone to talk to…"

"That sucks." Alec mused softly just as they entered the English room. "But it'll get better, dude, don't worry."

"Hello!" A short, plump lady with browny grey hair and glasses said to the boys when they walked in. "You must be our new students!"

Jace ignored her, looking around the room for an empty seat. There was one right at the back of the class, surrounded by mundanes who looked quite dark and scary.

Jace moved slowly to the seat, dropping his bag on the floor with a loud slump as he went.

"Yes, we are, Mrs….Phillips." He heard Alec reply from the front of the room.

"Today is just a revision lesson," Mrs. Phillips said eventually. "So I'll come over and explain to you and Jace what we've been learning a bit later on."

"Okay, thank you." Alec replied, his voice getting closer to Jace as he moved to sit at the other empty desk. He turned around and gave Jace a soft, encouraging smile.

The lesson consisted of Mrs. Phillips spending the entire time explaining to Jace and Alec the whole events of the year's English lessons. Jace found it very boring and felt like going to sleep.

Just as his eyes began to droop, the school bell rung, signalling the end of his class.

Jace slowly moved from his desk, a period of light-headiness washing over him. This was the time of the day where his stomach would start rumbling from no food.

"Jace," Alec whispered as they started to walk down the corridor. "You okay, man? I know 'mundane' school is a bit systematic and whatever but its okay."

Jace shrugged Alec's concern off with a wave of his hand. "Let's get this crap over with. Can lab lessons be any worse than a year's top up of English?"

Alec grinned, silently agreeing. He moved through the mundanes quickly, leaving Jace to find his next period all on his own.

In lab class, Jace sat down on the desks at the back. He wanted to keep himself out of the mundanes view as much as possible. He relaxed slightly when Clary walked through the door, moving to sit down by him with a smile. "How was class?" She asked.

"Demon hunting is more fun." He said, staring down at the patterned desk. Hearing Clary sigh, he turned to stare up at her.

Her soft, green eyes swirled with emotion, a line appearing in-between her thin brows. "Jace, I'm worried about you. Why are you pushing me away?"

Jace knew this was coming, but he didn't want Clary to believe he was going away. "No, Clary." He reached over to softly caress her hand. "I just don't see why we have to do this whole school thing. What's the point?"

She smiled, just a little. "I know you just want to go out there and fight demons all the time but you need some kind of stability, Jace. Being around demons all the time will just mess with your emotions. Mundanes aren't so bad."

Jace shrugged. Being around demons wouldn't mess with his emotions. Inside, a demon was already taking him away from everyone. Soon, he would just be bones. Perfect, sculpted bones. He needed that. And the only way to get it was to stop eating food. "I hate this place."

A few minutes later, Clary started. "Okay, tell you what, if you last a week of this and decide you don't like it, you can stay at the institute and be a full-time shadow hunter okay?"

Jace smiled gratefully. "I love you, Clary."

"I love you too."

Lunch time came around slowly. He still had Drama and Math to tackle even after lunch. The amount of lessons just annoyed him, honestly. Skipping the dinner queue, Jace moved his way through the cafeteria in search for Clary and his siblings. He eventually found them, sitting at a small table near the doors of the cafeteria. At that moment, he debated leaving the room completely but as if Clary could sense his presence, she looked directly at him and waved him over.

He sat down beside her, smiling as Isabelle told Alec all about her awesome gym lesson. "How was class?" Jace repeated back to Clary as she'd done so to him in lab.

She smiled. "It was good. But not as good as it would've been if you were there with me." She shuffled over and curled into his side. "What food do you fancy?"

Jace momentarily stiffened. Not only was Clary mentioning food, but she was also leaning into his ribs, which had gotten more definite over the weeks. He shuffled sideways slightly, making sure Clary didn't fall and smiled confidentially. "We had a taster session in world history, so I'm honestly full to the brim." He tapped his stomach in emphasis, inwardly wincing when the action stirred a grumble.

She shrugged. "Okay, cool. What food did you try? Was it nice?"

Jace racked his brain. What did he know about other countries? "In the France section we tried…snails?"

Clary wrinkled her nose, turning away in disgust. She dropped the questions, leaving Jace feeling satisfied. He had gotten out of it, this time. "What are you going to have for dinner?"

"Chips." Clary answered quickly, moving from the side of him to the queue with Alec.

Isabelle stared at Jace from across the table, clearly not believing his little story about world history class.

Jace, not liking the silence, started to fidget under Isabelle's heavy gaze and turned his attention to the table.

"So," She started. "What food did you have from Germany?"

"I don't remember. The name was German."

"I know you, Jace." Isabelle said, raising one eyebrow. "Even if you had eaten tasters in History, you would never pass up more food. You never said no to food when we were younger."

"I'm not a kid anymore." Jace protested, ready to flee from the table and sit somewhere else.

Isabelle pulled a couple of cheese coated potatoes from her tray and handed them to Jace. "You used to like these at home. Remember? You always had extra cheese. Why don't you have one?" She was testing Jace, seeing if he would.

Jace swallowed deeply, his stomach rumbling and churning at the smell. He clenched his hands around the corner of the table in order to control himself but temptation was getting the best of him.

Without thinking, he pushed himself away from the table, his head submerging in dizziness fleetingly from the fast movement. He turned his back on his sister and then ran. Ran right through the doors of the cafeteria, across the grass and onto the street. When he was safely outside of the school gates, he kept on running. And running. Until early evening crept in along with exhaustion and he passed out in the park.


	3. She Knows Everything

**Story Name: Verge of Death**

 **Protection:** © Copyright 2016 TheMortalTwilight™. All rights reserved.

 **Summary:** Jace is vulnerable. He is battling demons – not real ones, but emotional ones. Ones that are willing to tear open his heart and murder his soul. Battling illnesses no one knows anything about, will Jace survive, or will he be lost forever? Murdered by the one he thought he always knew – himself. Rated M for self-harm and Anorexia/Bulimia.

 **Families:**

Maryse & Robert Lightwood –- Alec, Jace, Isabelle, Max and Noah.

Jocelyn Fairchild and Luke Garroway – Jonathon, Clary and Ava.

 *** Reminder *** \- Noah is an added child to the lightwoods, and is the real brother of Isabelle, Alec and Max, and the adoptive brother of Jace. Ava is the half sister of Clary and Jonathon.

 **This story has been taken over (with permission) after original author is unable to finish it and access fanfiction.**

* * *

Jace sat still as shivers rattled through his body. The night was quiet. The air cold. The only sound in the large park was the howl of the wind and the play swings creaking back and forth. Jace sat upon one of the high play structures, the ice cold metal seeping through his faded jeans. He knew he could go home if he wanted to, but he was too afraid to face Isabelle. He hoped that she hadn't clicked on to his whole not eating façade.

He was tired, exhausted really. That was because of two reasons; his stomach was empty, and he had stayed up most of the night exercising. He sighed.

Jace wasn't sure how long he had been sat in the park, but it could only have been a couple of hours. It seemed like weeks. The night was rolling in fast; he could barely see his hand out in front of him.

The street lights shone down on the empty pavements out ahead but their light wasn't strong enough to share with the park.

Jace's ringtone abruptly brought sound to life. To dug deep into his freezing jeans and with icy fingers looked at the caller id. It was Alec again. During his time at the park, the school had phoned twice, Maryse had phoned 6 times, Isabelle 25 and Clary 30. Reluctantly, he answered.

"Jace! Thank God!" Alec sounded stressed. His usually casual voice was slightly raised, hinting alarm.

"Hi." Jace answered quietly, inwardly wincing at what was coming.

"Where the hell are you, Jace? Isabelle is worried out of her mind. Clary…well, she's just going insane. She wanted to go out and look for you but Maryse said it was too cold. Are you okay, man?"

"I'm in the park." Jace sighed. There was no point lying; they would've found him sooner or later. "I just needed time to think. I hate school, I can't go back."

"Then don't go back. You could have just gone home and told Maryse. She wouldn't make you go back if you hated it. You can just train, you know? Like before."

Jace didn't answer. Obviously, Alec was right.

"Come home, Jace. I'll meet you half way." Alec hung up the phone and Jace submerged into the silence.

He slowly removed himself from the play structure and treaded along the grass. The colossal trees towered over him, like demons in the shadows. He shivered again. The world wasn't a safe place to be, but he was a shadowhunter; he was tough.

Alec met him in the city, near the colourful lights and loud noise. It seemed like a different place in comparison to the hushed park. "Come on, Jace." Alec murmured quietly, seeing the vulnerability in Jace's form.

Jace followed deeply, shuffling his feet forward so that he fell into Alec's grip. "I'm sorry, Alec. Get me to Clary."

"Jee, Jace!" Alec screeched, securing his arm around Jace's shoulder. "You're freezing man. I'll get you back, don't worry."

Jace managed to walk through the city with Alec, although his entire body seemed full of ice. He was aware of Alec's warm skin beside him and that was the thing keeping him moving; slowly defrosting the ice he truly thought was killing him.

About 20 minutes later, Alec revealed the magic of the institute and they loudly made their way inside.

"JACEEEEEEEEEEE!" A voice shouted and in seconds he felt a small body barrelling into him.

He winced at the impact but slowly weaved his arms around his favourite person in the world; Clary. "Hi baby girl." He whispered.

"You're freezing." She said worriedly; let's go get you a hot bath."

He smiled inwardly, staring into her worried swirling eyes. Her forehead was wrinkled, the smooth skin between her eyebrows slightly clenched. Her cheeks were lacking their normal rosy colour, but she would be alright. He liked having baths with Clary.

The boiling hot water sent shivers through Jace's spine but it was so soothing. Clary had asked to join him, but he was aware of the change in his body, even if it just was a little bit. He didn't want her to notice any changes in him, no matter how little. He carefully filled the bath up with bubbles to his chest, and then allowed her to enter.

She was naked, stripped to the bone and standing pale in the florescent light. She smiled at Jace encouragingly and he helped her into the bath. It was a big bath; definitely big enough for two or maybe 3 people, depending on how big they were.

She sat across from him, bringing the bubbles up to her chin. "You scared me, Jace. I understand that you don't like school, but you scared me."

"I'm sorry." Jace whispered. He honestly was sorry. He just couldn't control his friend in his head. He was leading him to glory, to beauty and bones. He reached out to Clary, making sure he didn't hold her too close to his body. He hated that he couldn't be so close to her. She was his everything.

"It's okay, at least you're home. I don't know what I would've done if you were out there more than just a few hours."

"I wouldn't do that to you." Jace told her determinedly. He didn't know what he would do if he had to be outside all through the night either.

When they got out of the bath, they changed into a fresh pair of sleepwear and headed into the kitchen for some snacks.

Isabelle was sat at the kitchen counter. She was staring straight ahead, the skin around her eyes puffy and red. She sniffled as they entered the room and looked away before she could make eye contact with Jace.

It was in that moment that Jace knew that she knew. She knew what was going on in his head; she knew everything. The moment he broke down over that piece of food, she knew. And she was hurt.

He swallowed down the bile rising in his throat. His stomach was doing little flips, nervous just in case she said something.

He moved around the counter and looked at her once again.

Her piercing brown eyes stared right at him.


	4. I'm Not Stupid, Jace

**Story Name: Verge of Death**

 **Protection:** © Copyright 2016 TheMortalTwilight™. All rights reserved.

 **Summary:** Jace is vulnerable. He is battling demons – not real ones, but emotional ones. Ones that are willing to tear open his heart and murder his soul. Battling illnesses no one knows anything about, will Jace survive, or will he be lost forever? Murdered by the one he thought he always knew – himself. Rated M for self-harm and Anorexia/Bulimia.

 **Families:**

Maryse & Robert Lightwood –- Alec, Jace, Isabelle, Max and Noah.

Jocelyn Fairchild and Luke Garroway – Jonathon, Clary and Ava.

 *** Reminder *** \- Noah is an added child to the lightwoods, and is the real brother of Isabelle, Alec and Max, and the adoptive brother of Jace. Ava is the half sister of Clary and Jonathon.

 **This story has been taken over (with permission) after original author is unable to finish it and access fanfiction.**

* * *

Isabelle moved slowly, gracefully stepping off the stool and sidestepping the countertop. Her eyes bubbled with tears as she approached Jace and placed a gentle, cold hand on his shoulder. "Oh, Jace." She whispered.

Jace stood firm, shaking and trying not to show how vulnerable he felt. If Isabelle were to say anything in front of Clary he would freak out. Clary didn't have to know about any of this. No one did. This was Jace's little secret.

Time froze for a few seconds, leaving Jace feeling so terrified of what may happen next.

To his surprise, Isabelle eventually removed her hand from his shoulder, wiped her puffy red eyes and stirred out of the room.

"Jace, what's wrong with Isabelle?" Clary asked Jace as she started taking plates out of cupboard.

Not wanting to hurt her but wanting to silence Isabelle, he waved his hand at Clary and followed Isabelle down the hall. "Isabelle! Wait!"

She turned on her heel and stared back at Jace with empty eyes. "What? What am I supposed to do, Jace? What's wrong with you? Why won't you eat? Why didn't you want it?"

"I…I already ate, Iz. I wasn't hungry." He murmured. He was lying and she knew it. Jace was never a good liar. His body language gave him away. He looked down at the ground below him, moving his arms in a way to avert Isabelle's attention.

"I'm not stupid, Jace." Isabelle whispered. "I know you don't want the food. That you hate it."

"Please don't tell." Was all Jace could mutter. What was he supposed to do? How could he continue to deny it if Isabelle was so sure on what she had seen?

"I won't." She unexpectedly answered, reaching out to her brother and wrapping him in a hug. "We _all_ have secrets, Jace. I will keep your secret right now but please, by the angel, do not danger yourself, Jace. You have to be careful. You have to be reasonable and set yourself limits. If you don't, I promise that I will do everything in my power to stop you and get you the help you need."

Before he could muster up some lame reply, she stormed off down the corridor, once again crying over her torn decision for his secret.

With nothing left to do, Jace moved back into the kitchen. Clary was preparing some fruit on Jace's small blue plate and looked up when he entered. "Would you like some chocolate dip for your fruit?" She asked.

Jace stared at her for a few seconds. She was beautiful, inside and out. Her heart was big, her soul courageous. Jace had never met anyone like her. His heart clenched in dread at the thought of his Clary ever being in pain. Especially if that pain came from him. That was why he could never tell her his secret. He had to protect her as much as possible from the demons. Although an amazing fighter, Clary was no match for his demons. This was his battle and he had to do it alone.

"No, thank you. Fruit is fine." He took the plate kindly from her hands and settled on the table to pick at it. He didn't particularly want to eat anything but he knew for Clary's sake he had to keep the walls up and at least pretend. Hopefully, fruit wouldn't cause him much damage.

"I love you, Jace." Clary said unexpectedly, watching him swirl the chopped melon around with his spoon.

"I love you, too." Aware that she was watching him, he slipped a small piece of the fruit into his mouth and gently chewed. His mouth wasn't used to the movement and so it caused him a little bit of pain.

There was no way on earth that Jace could raise his calories. He had stuck to a 500 and below calorie restriction for over a couple of months and any new amount of calories going in would just cause rapid weight gain. Jace did not need to gain anymore weight. He was big enough already. He really didn't want Isabelle to alert anyone if she felt he was going too far. He needed to be more careful.

He managed to pick his way through the fruit and when that was over, he made his way to his en suite to bring it all back up. He was weary; being extra careful to make sure that Isabelle was not loitering the halls and watching him. He didn't want her to know that he purged as well as starving. It was beyond ridiculous and not even he could understand it. He pushed his two fingers down the back of his throat, wriggling them against his tongue to cause his gag to bring any food up that was residing in his tummy or just entering it. There was no need for any of it to stay down. He gagged a couple of times before a spray of food came tumbling out. Fruit hurt to purge but Jace felt so fat he just simply couldn't keep it in him.

The remainder of the day he managed to avoid any interaction with Isabelle and pretty much anyone other than Clary. Then went for a small stroll around the block (where Jace counted the number of minutes compared to the calories he was burning the entire time) and then he headed to the gym to practice shadow hunter skills. He did some boxing, which always burned the most calories for Jace, then practised his sword techniques. Every single thing he did was based around calorie control and food intake so how did Isabelle except him to just forget about it and get better?

Even if Jace had wanted to, he would never be able to just sit down to a meal and eat without regret. Not without counting all the calories and feeling fat.

After 3 hours of being in the gym and after passing out just once, Isabelle came into the room and faced him. "I found a treatment centre here in New York for you to help you get over your issues with food. I know you're lying to me about how serious it is. I've checked you in for a week's time as an inpatient."

Jace stared at his sister for a few moments before he collapsed to the floor in a dizzying heap.


	5. Eerily Unhomely

**Story Name: Verge of Death**

 **Protection:** © Copyright 2016 TheMortalTwilight™. All rights reserved.

 **Summary:** Jace is vulnerable. He is battling demons – not real ones, but emotional ones. Ones that are willing to tear open his heart and murder his soul. Battling illnesses no one knows anything about, will Jace survive, or will he be lost forever? Murdered by the one he thought he always knew – himself. Rated M for self-harm and Anorexia/Bulimia.

 **Families:**

Maryse & Robert Lightwood –- Alec, Jace, Isabelle, Max and Noah.

Jocelyn Fairchild and Luke Garroway – Jonathon, Clary and Ava.

 *** Reminder *** \- Noah is an added child to the lightwoods, and is the real brother of Isabelle, Alec and Max, and the adoptive brother of Jace. Ava is the half sister of Clary and Jonathon.

 **This story has been taken over (with permission) after original author is unable to finish it and access fanfiction.**

* * *

1 week later

Jace had been pushed through all tests imaginable. He had been weighed at least 4 times, told he was underweight and was losing muscle mass. He was forced to sit down 3 times a day with the rest of family and eat everything put on his plate. He had blood tests to see if he was anaemic and bone density scans to see how much damage he had down to his body.

And now was the day. Jace couldn't even glance at Clary as she sat beside him in the car. He hadn't discussed his "eating disorder" with her upfront because he didn't want to have to look into her face and see all the pain that he had caused her. He just couldn't do it. "Jace." She spoke quietly, her voice carrying over the quiet radio. "Please look at me."

"I can't." He murmured. "I can't bear to look into your heartbroken eyes as you realise how worthless I am and stupid I am for ever thinking I could keep this a secret. For ever thinking that you would love me when I'm so"

She silenced him by pulling his face towards her and giving him a soft kiss. It ached his heart to kiss her – He longed her, he needed her as much as she needed him, yet he was plagued with guilt and shame because he _didn't_ want to get better.

"Don't ever think you are not worthy of my love. If anything, I'm not worthy of your love, Jace. I should be there for you and notice when things are wrong but I didn't and that feels like I failed you. But its okay now – we're going to go to this center and see what it's like, okay? I know you don't want to do it and its going to hurt like hell but we have to do it. I don't want to not be able to see you for a couple of weeks but we have to. In the long run, if we leave it, you could be dead and I don't want you dead."

Jace didn't have anything to say to that. He was too concerned with what was outside of his window.

The treatment facility was facing him on the right-hand side. It wasn't very appealing at all. The old, yellowed paint work was peeling in areas and the sign was in simple brown, boring letters; "Balance." The doorway was green and seemed to blend in with all the other buildings alongside it. It was right in the heart of New York with no room to have a wander around or walk because they didn't seem to have a garden, or much of one. Jace felt he couldn't be cooped up inside with others who had an eating disorder for a long period of time. He would go insane.

Isabelle pulled him out of the car in one swift movement and smiled sadly at him as Maryse took his hand and guided him up the gray steps.

If the facility had tried to be welcoming, it hadn't worked very well.

Looking at it just made Jace want to turn backwards and head straight for the car. What was Isabelle thinking? Sending him to an inpatient program like this without him admitting to anything and then getting him looked at by mundane doctors…

He didn't want to be in a mundane facility program for 5 weeks to 'introduce' himself and then get admitted. He was a shadowhunter. Born to fight and protect and rid the world of demons. This was just a big waste of time.

The middle-aged woman on the front desk smiled when Isabelle introduced herself and Jace. She shuffled through a couple of papers and then handled over a laminated booklet. As Jace flipped through the pages, she began talking. "The day treatment program is roughly 5 weeks along for teenagers 16 and over of both genders suffering from anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder and disordered eating. Each program is customised to the individual. There will be a daily schedule, a customised treatment team, a psychological and nutritional consultation and evaluation. We also provide small groups of 8 including cognitive behaviour therapy, experimental group therapies including art, movement and music, body image group, family systems group, stress reduction group with yoga, mealtime support and processing, exposure therapy, family group breakfast therapy and education and individual therapy."

Jace stared at the mundane in horror. If anyone thought for a second he was going to comply with any of that they had another thing coming. It just wasn't happening. How had he been so stupid to let something like this happen? It just made him want to cry his eyes out.

Isabelle and Clary took both his hands and guided him to the waiting area where they were told to wait for Matthew – The head counsellor for the boys in the facility.

Matthew arrived 5 minutes later, a brown satchel over his shoulder, his dark hair combed back and warm brown eyes. He was tall, about 6ft 2in and of slim build. He was wearing a stripped shirt, black trousers held up by a black belt and black shoes. He had a red tie. "Hello, I'm Matthew." He took Jace's hand and gave it a firm shake. "You must be…Jace?"

Jace nodded calmly, hoping that no one had the strength to remove him from he couch because he didn't want to go with Matthew at all.

When Jace refused to muster up a polite reply, Alec pulled him off of the white couch and pushed him towards Matthew slightly. "Sorry," He briefly apologized for Jace. "He's nervous."

"That's completely understandable." Matthew smiled and Jace felt anger bubbling up inside him. His world had just been turned upside down – he did not want to see anyone smiling or laughing when inside he felt so much antagonism. "If you follow me, Jace, I will show you to your corridor and introduce you to your roommate. Your family can stay here and fill out some of the paperwork."

Jace stood his ground but sent one concerned glance towards Clary. Seeing his desperation, she took his hand and turned to face Matthew. "I'd like to come with him. I don't want to see him fight alone."

Matthew stood and considered for a moment before nodding in consent. He turned and indicated for Clary and Jace to follow him.

The hallways were eerily quiet, Jace thought as they passed the very first corridor. All the doors on either side of the walls were locked shut and nothing on the doors indicated whose room lay behind. It shocked Jace – the 'institute' as he had labelled it already didn't seem very welcoming or homely. And where were all the people?

Matthew stopped when they got to the third floor and led Jace and Clary through what looked to be a common room. There was a small TV in the corner of the room surrounded by two blue couches, a couple of chairs stacked in the corner and a glass coffee table in the center. The room had no decorations or ornaments and looked oddly bare. It didn't look like a place that somebody would live. Jace felt uneasy.

"This is the living room of sorts for your floor. Only those who reside on your floor are able to use this living area as everyone else will have one on their floor. You can use this room during your spare time if you need to have a break or time to think to yourself. Feel free to turn on the TV and some music as long as they are not too loud. We also have a range of books in the cabinet." Matthew said, smiling warmly at Jace.

A few minutes later they arrived at a blue too at the very end of the hallway. Matthew knocked once and in nervousness, Jace gripped Clary's hand tighter.

She gripped back in comfort and softly whispered words of encouragement. "You'll be fine Jace."

A tall boy opened the door and appraised Matthew quietly. He was wearing gray joggers with a plain white vest top. His brown coloured hair was gathered messily on the top of his head as though he hadn't bothered to brush it in days and his pale green eyes were surrounded by sunken in purple bruises. Jace remarked that he looked quite awful.

"Edward," Matthew started, gesturing to Jace. "This is your new roommate."

Edward stood a little taller than Jace so almost looked down at him as he took him in. "Okay. Cool. It'll be nice not to be stuck in this dump on my own." He moved from the door to allow Jace access to the room and he hesitated quietly.

Clary urged Jace on, pushing at the bottom of his back with gentle fingers in an attempt to move him from his frozen state. "C'mon Jace, let's see how nice your room is."

Clary's optimism was an empty emotion. There was nothing about the room that Jace felt optimistic about.

Edward had the right corner of the room – this much was obvious as there were 2 posters taped to the wall and a suitcase just to the side of the messy bed. Jace tore his eyes to the left to study the other empty living area.

The bed was pushed against the wall with a plain blue duvet thrown over the top. There was a small dresser to the side of the bed and about 10 inches of space between Jace's bed and Edward's bed. There was clearly no privacy and not much living space either.

He just wanted to go home.

"It looks nice, Jace, doesn't it?" Clary offered, trying to find something good about the small room. It didn't seem to be big enough for one person, let alone two. "Look at the view outside your window."

Jace approached the large window slowly, as though he had lost all hope in the world. He peered out and stared down into a lame excuse of a garden. The grass was neatly mowed and green and there was stepping stones going all the way down to the bottom of the garden. Although the garden wasn't huge and nothing extraordinary, Jace was grateful that there was some part of nature in the entire institution. He hoped he was allowed to sit in the garden himself.

"Well Jace, now you have your timetable and your welcome booklet, I will leave you to it." Matthew said, heading towards the door. "Say goodbye to Clary and they will be back to see you in 5 weeks. Dinner is at 6pm, until then you can attend one of the lessons on your timetable or try to make friends with Edward. The hallway nurses will be up in about an hour to sort through your belongings to make sure you don't have anything you aren't supposed to and your doctor will carry out an examine in the morning. I hope you have a pleasant stay." With that, he was gone.

Jace turned to Clary with pure desperation on my face. "You can't leave me here. Clary, you can't. I hate mundanes," He whispered the last bit, not wanting to risk Edward hearing him. "Just let me go back to the institute…I can prove myself to you and get better with your help. Please, I don't need all this professional help. I can't." He sunk to the floor, shaking inside from the fear of what was going to happen to him. Jace was a strong person, not someone who let his interior show through, but this was all too much.

Clary crouched down to Jace's level and placed a small, loving hand against his cheek. "I love you, Jace and it pains me that I can't be with you here to support you every step of the way. But Isabelle did this for a reason. You need the help, okay? And it's only 5 weeks. You'll see me in no time and everything will be better."

"I came here for 5 weeks 8 months ago," Edward began, climbing into his bed with sluggish movements. "I still haven't been giving the chance to leave."

Jace's eyes widened. He couldn't be stuck here for any longer than 5 weeks. Not with mundanes. Not without being able to train as a shadow hunter or be with his beloved Clary.

Clary took Jace's hands and gently kissed him. "You _will_ be out in 5 weeks, Jace. Don't you worry."

15 minutes later, Clary was escorted back to the front desk and went home with the rest of Jace's family. It was in that moment that Jace felt his entire heart had been ripped out of his chest. Without Clary, there was nothing to fight for. No one to turn to in the darkest moments.

He was alone. Truly alone. He knew no one and didn't even feel like he had a problem. How could a place full of people seem so empty?

He sunk down on the unfamiliar hard bed and let his interior pour out around him. For the first time in a while, Jace felt warm tears stream down his face, and in the darkness, he whimpered.


	6. Battle

**Story Name: Verge of Death**

 **Protection:** © Copyright 2016 TheMortalTwilight™. All rights reserved.

 **Summary:** Jace is vulnerable. He is battling demons – not real ones, but emotional ones. Ones that are willing to tear open his heart and murder his soul. Battling illnesses no one knows anything about, will Jace survive, or will he be lost forever? Murdered by the one he thought he always knew – himself. Rated M for self-harm and Anorexia/Bulimia.

 **Families:**

Maryse & Robert Lightwood –- Alec, Jace, Isabelle, Max and Noah.

Jocelyn Fairchild and Luke Garroway – Jonathon, Clary and Ava.

 *** Reminder *** \- Noah is an added child to the lightwoods, and is the real brother of Isabelle, Alec and Max, and the adoptive brother of Jace. Ava is the half sister of Clary and Jonathon.

 **This story has been taken over (with permission) after original author is unable to finish it and access fanfiction.**

* * *

"Are you going to move?" Edward asked Jace at 6pm. It was dinner time, Jace faintly remembered, but he was too strung up in self-loathing to even care. Edward stood in front of him and was now wearing a pair of faded blue jeans and a tight fitted long-sleeved shirt. His hair was still lying in casual disarray but at least it was brushed, Jace remarked.

He slowly climbed up from his position on the wooden floor. He ignored the tears streaming down his face and followed behind Edward as they walked through the corridor and down to the dining hall. On there way, they only ran into very few people, none of which talked.

"It's quiet here." Jace said out loud. "I don't know how you stand it. No one talks to you. Half of the time there's not even anyone around. I just don't get it."

"People just keep to themselves." Edward said, shrugging lightly. "You'll get used to it in a couple of days. Half of the people here you wouldn't want a conversation with anyway."

Once at the dining hall, Jace ran his eyes around the room from the doorway. The walls were painted orange – a disgusting, dull colour, Jace decided – and there were rows of long wooden tables running down the middle. To the right of the room, cooking staff dressed in hats and aprons laid out dishes and plates of various kinds of food and a drinks dispenser was situated in the corner. The room was full; the 'prisoners' of the institution all sitting around the tables. Some stared at the table in eerie silence whilst others tried to converse with those sitting around them. The staff stood against the North wall, watching all the patients like vultures ready to attack.

Jace did not approve of the place at all.

Edward led him to a table the furthest away from the staff and sat down beside a boy with messy black hair. He was a muscular build but didn't look that intimidating.

Jace settled for sitting alongside Edward although he would have much preferred to be outside of the institution altogether. "What do we do now, then?" He asked when no one moved.

Edward looked over at the staff that were now moving to dish out food. "You have to go up to Matthew – he's sitting over there –" he pointed to the corner of the room near a fire exit door. "He has our files and will tell us exactly what we need to put on our plate. Whilst we're eating, he'll walk up and down to make sure we are eating it all and not doing anything we shouldn't. Because you haven't had your exam or evaluation yet, he'll probably make you eat a mixture of vegetables, carbs and protein for your dinner and then some kind of pudding for desert with either custard or cream."

Jace gagged and the mere thought of having to eat anything sweet. He didn't like desert at all; at least not anymore. It was a pointless food; served after a huge dinner and contained so much fat and calories it made him sick. He had trained himself to be put off by the sweet smell and taste and knew no matter how hard anyone tried, he would not be able to force it down him.

10 minutes later, Edward arrived back at the table, 6 small potatoes on his plate, a quarter of mixed vegetables and a large chicken breast. "The food honestly isn't too bad." He remarked, wolfing down half of his plate instantly as though it caused no issues.

Jace looked on in astonishment. "How can you…eat that? I mean…you're here." He didn't quite understand.

"I'm not Anorexic." Edward stated bluntly. "I love food, really. They first diagnosed me with binge eating disorder but after realizing I purged on regular basis and wasn't gaining any weight, they diagnosed bulimia. I'm guessing your Anorexic then?"

"I'm nothing." Jace replied stubbornly. He didn't have a problem and he didn't need to be diagnosed with anything. He just didn't _want_ food.

"Jace Herondale." Matthew called from his desk and Jace went over to approach him.

He flipped through a brown folder that only held a couple of pages. "After your exam in the morning we will organise a personalised and suitable meal plan. Today, I would like you to eat more. You are going to have the mushroom soup for starters. Following that, your main meal will consist of two pieces of chicken breast or two pieces of fish, three spoonfuls of the mixed vegetables, 10 baby potatoes, and some gravy or one of the sauces on the corner. After you eat all of that, I'd like you to have the chocolate brownie fudge cake with a scoop vanilla ice-cream."

Jace stared at the mundane with disgust. "My sister doesn't even eat that in a day." He shot at him; Matthew was wrong. Jace could not eat that in one sitting.

"Then perhaps," Matthew offered, folding his arms on the desk. "Your sister should be here too."

Jace stomped off like a morose little toddler, sulking sadly as the kitchen staff served him his food. The smell of the fresh gravy was enough to bring a lump to Jace's throat and he pushed it down hurriedly. When done, he took his soup and his dinner plate to the table.

"Soup too?" Edward asked, now working his way through a bowl of strawberry ice-cream. "Matthew is making it tough for you. Don't worry; the food should drop significantly after your exam, as long as you're healthy and haven't done yourself much damage."

10 minutes later, Jace was still sat on the table, his arms folded, his eyes focused so intently on the full dish of soup and plate in front of him he felt sick. He had yet to even pick up his spoon or fork and wasn't going to anytime soon.

Edward had now finished his dinner and was staring at Jace in fascination. "You need to eat the food. Not following along just makes things worse. Look, I know how you feel. I know you don't want to eat the damn thing but there are ways around it. I'm going to go to the restroom in 15 minutes, after drinking about 4 bottles of water, and I'm going to bring that stuff up. No one will know a thing. If you've been so good at hiding things at home, then you can do it here too."

Jace paid no attention. There was no way he would be able to throw up everything set out in front of him. Especially not the pudding. He wasn't trained enough. It was hard for him to throw up, his gag reflex was too strong and no matter how many bottles of water he downed, it wouldn't work. He couldn't particularly hide the food because Matthew was staring at him from the end of the table like a predator.

When the tables emptied, Jace still remained seated. There was no way he could force any of that food into his mouth. It was probably cold by now too. One of the cooks from the kitchen bought his bowl of pudding over to him and he frowned in horror. The 3 bowls sitting together looked like an awful lot; something he wouldn't eat even in a week.

Matthew sat down beside him along with blonde haired woman wearing a stethoscope around her neck. He pushed the main plate closer to Jace and turned it around so that the vegetables were facing him. "Eat the vegetables, Jace. Vegetables are fine – and they help in energy and many other things, don't they? Low in calorie and fat too."

"No." Jace shook his head. He didn't eat vegetables unless he prepared them himself. Hidden oils and flavourings could have been added to them without him knowing and in a place like this, that wouldn't surprise him at all.

Matthew sighed, looking at the woman once before returning his attention to Jace. "If you refuse to eat, we have to take action Jace. We are able to use physical force if you are in danger or at risk of fainting or becoming ill. Your records say that your mother observed that you eat around 400 calories a day, on a good day. You refused to eat when you found out you had to come here. At meal times with the family for the past week, you have been hiding food and then going off to throw it back up. That can make you very sick and if you do not attempt to eat a piece of food within the next 15 minutes, I am going to have to try and put it in your mouth."

That couldn't be fair, Jace thought. How angry he was to have mundanes control him like this. Jace wouldn't have minded so much if Clary had been the one to force food down him but he did not want this mundane, this horrible mundane with such authority, to even touch him.

The next 15 minutes passed slowly and Jace hadn't moved the entire time to touch the plate. His chest was evenly breathing in and out, surprisingly calm despite the situation. He sat as still as a statue, even when the woman – who he found out was a nurse – went behind him to gently hold his arms down in restraint, as Matthew picked up some food on the fork and pushed it into Jace's mouth.

Jace moved his lips in automatic response but barely any of the food went in. They couldn't force him to chew could they?

When Jace was reluctant to chew or swallow the food, the woman carefully pressed her finger to an area of his throat and unwillingly the food trickled down. He gasped, hot tears dripping from his face now at the realization of what was happening. "No." He squirmed in the women's grasp, pushing her off him easily as he stood from the chair. Sidestepping Matthew as though he was in battle, he headed towards the exit.

Matthew came from behind him, pulling him back by the waist and sitting him back to the chair.

Jace threw a punch, landing it straight to the nose, before rising to his feet again and exiting the room. He ran up the stairway, his feet tripping various times before he made it to Edward's door. He banged furiously until Edward let him in.

"What's the matter?" He asked as Jace, now out of breath, opened his suitcase and pulled out the small blade. Edward's eyes widened and turned to the door as the woman from the dining hall stepped in, a medical bag in her hands.

"Get away." Jace said, taking a step back towards the window. He knew that he would be able to jump it. He had done it plenty of times. He would get injured but he knew he would be able to get out.

The woman seemed to notice what Jace's plan was. She stepped forward and tried to walk sideways around Jace so he would move from the window.

He didn't, reaching back without looking from her to undo the lock. When he realized it didn't open very far, he smashed it with his fist and moved closer to it.

"Jace, that's stupid!" Edward shouted in disbelief. "Just let Kate have a look at you. She's fine – she won't hurt you."

"No." He refused. "I don't want the food. I don't want to be restrained and I don't want it to be forced down me! I don't want it!" He screeched, holding the blade out for protection.

Matthew came in behind Kate, surveyed the room once before charging to Jace. "Put the…whatever that is down. Put it down, Jace." When Jace refused to comply, Matthew went around Jace sideways and pulled him from the open window.

Jace clung to his blade but knew he wouldn't use it on the mundane. He just thought it would've scared them. It clearly hadn't. He struggled in Matthew's grip but failed this time. "Edward, help me put him on the bed."

With sad eyes, Edward picked up Jace with shaking hands and helped Matthew lie him down.

Kate approached the bed, giving Matthew a needle before pulling clear tubes out of the bag and a small, see-through hospital bag.

Before Jace could react – exhausted from battle – Matthew plunged the needle into his arm.

Prior to Jace losing consciousness, he was aware of Kate feeding the tube through his nose and down to his stomach. He gagged a little but his vision and mind was too hazy for him to care. "This is just a feeding tube," She said quietly. "Until you are willing to eat."

Jace blacked out after that, hoping to never return to his new life in the institution.


End file.
